It’s scary because I’ve never wanted something so badly before in my entire life. I desperately want me and him to work out. I want to wake up to him every day and share an apartment in a suburb with a balcony and a lot of pillows. I want to spend my days with him, as creepy and anti-me as that sounds. I’ve never so truly wanted a life with a boy before. I never pictured myself with someone so clearly. And it’s scary, because there’s such a large chance that won’t work out. And partly because of that I chance I continue to pull myself away from him. I know it would be easier to be away from him. I know there’s such a slim chance we might actually work out that I would be better off living alone in that apartment with something dependable, like a dog. It would definitely be easier, so much easier, to let this go. But he won’t let me go, at least not yet, and I don’t want to let him either. You know how some people don’t have sex because they’re afraid they’ll get pregnant? Yeah, it’s a shitty analogy, but bear with me. It’s not very likely that those people will actually get pregnant, but even the chance of having a child is such a severe thing to them, they refuse to take the chance altogether. It’s kind of like that for me and him- there’s such small chance that we will actually work out, but if we did, it would be so incredibly worth it that I would be willing to try. I don’t know. I guess I love him.